


I see it now

by graceisintodrummers



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: But Only a Little Bit - Freeform, Fluff, Forever, M/M, OT5, Sad, Song fic, zayn loves liam so much, zayn's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 12:40:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5708470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graceisintodrummers/pseuds/graceisintodrummers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is Zayn's 23rd Birthday and he misses his boys, his brothers, his family.</p>
<p>Most of all he misses Liam.<br/>And maybe, just maybe, Liam has been waiting for him the whole time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I see it now

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday Zayn.

_How many times d_ _id I miss the signs?_

 

Zayn is lying in his bed, constantly checking his phone. It is his 23rd Birthday and days like these should be spend with your loved ones, right? You should share the significant moments in your life with the people you love the most. And Zayn especially is not the kind to go out and party big. He likes quiet nights in, and conversations made in the am. Funny he thinks, that the boys named the album after a song he could have written. He loved nothing more about being on tour than spending early morning with his boys. So he wants to spend this important day in this important year with the most important persons in his life. But what can he do, if said people are not talking to him. 

He wants to call them so bad, but is his birthday and none of them has called or wrote, so it is not his turn to reach out this time, is it? Zayn buries his head in the pillows and groans. He has everything he wanted when he left the band almost a year ago. But was it worth losing his brothers?

Zayn would have never thought that their connection would anywhere change. They had been there the past 5 years. They knew he was unhappy. He thought it would work out somehow. Oh he was wrong. He turns on his back and closes his eyes. He thought that at least Liam would call or text on his birthday. But apparently he was wrong again.

 

_My stupid heart, it left me blind._

 

Zayn must have been fallen asleep and he wakes up by his phone ringing. He hesitates a moment but then he picks in up anyway. "Yeah?"

"Zayn?" He recognizes the voice in the blink of an eye and his heart drops. "L...Liam?"

"Hi." Liam sounds as nervous as Zayn is. "I mean. Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday Zayn."

Zayn can't really find words because he is so overwhelmed and confused about this call and he is so happy to hear Liam's voice but at the same time he feels like his heart is breaking into a million pieces. "Zayn?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I am still here. Hi. Ehm...thank you." He can hear Liam breathing at the other end of the line. "How was your day?"

"Good, you know. Nothing special." Zayn thinks about earlier when he was lying in bed alone, but he doesn't tell Liam anything about that. "And how have you been lately?"

"Good, I think." There is a pause. "Well Zayn, we've been thinking, you know. Because, we're in L.A., that maybe you wanted to meet us?" Zayn's heart stops again. "We?"

"Yeah, Louis, Niall and me." Zayn breathes in deeply. "Yeah. Yes, sure." "The driver is gonna pick you up in half an hour, okay?" "Okay." "See you then." "See you."

Zayn closes his eyes. "And Liam?" "Yes?" "Thank you for calling." Liam laughs at the other end of the line and oh, how did Zayn miss this laugh. "Always Zayn."

 

_Nobody else would forgive my mistakes, nobody else would've stayed._

 

Zayn is sure that his heart has never beaten as fast as it does when he sits in the car and waits for it to arrive at it's destination. He wants to see the boys, yes he does, but he is also so afraid because it has been 10 month and he sees things so much clearer now. What if it is to much? And what if it is awkward.

But he hasn't got time to think about it as he arrives at the hotel the boys staying in. The security leads him straight to the second floor and opens a door, pushes him in and closes it again, so he won't be seen by anyone. And before he can get a look over the situation he feels some arms thrown around him and notices Niall's comforting hugs and his now brown hair in his face. "Happy Birthday Z." the blonde boy exclaims as he lets him go. Zayn looks up now and he sees Liam smiling at him shyly and he also sees Louis behind him, looking nervous and Zayn's heart still hurts, but in a good way.

Liam is the next one to wrap him in a hug, and Zayn hugs him back tightly. He holds onto him as if it is the last time he can hold him and he breathes in the familiar smell and oh, he missed him so much. It hits him hard now, that Liam is back in his arms. How did he survive without him these past month.

The younger boy lets him go way to soon and he smiles at Zayn as he does. Zayn remembers this smile all too well. It is the one, Liam only has for him.

Louis steps forwards now. He doesn't hug Zayn. He just stands in front of him and he looks at him. "Happy Birthday Zayn." Louis' voice cracks a little and Zayn immediately thinks of their last conversation.

Louis showed up in his hotel room, after they had already said their goodbyes. "So you're really leaving?" Zayn nodded. "I have too Lou. And I hope you believe me if I tell you it breaks my heart." Louis nods, looking at the floor. "I know. Just...I love you Zayn. Don't forget that okay? I...I love you." And then he left.

"I am sorry Louis, I am so sorry." And Louis nods again this time. "I know." He says. "Me too." And then they hug and Zayn thinks it is the best birthday present he could have ever gotten.

 

_One step ahead of me, you saw what we could be._

 

 

It is awkward, but only for the first hour. Then they spread out on the floor and order room service and talk, just like they used too. And there is a lot to catch up on both sides. "Oh Zayn, I almost forgot. Harry gave me a present for you. He is sorry he can't be there, but he will be." Louis hands Zayn a beautifully wrapped present and Zayn unpacks it with a smile on his face.  
"A stuffed bear? A pink stuff bear?" Niall buries his face in his head but he is laughing. "Don't ask Zayn, please. Louis and Harry have this thing." Louis looks a little offended. "The fans love the bears." He says and Niall shrugs and begins to throw fries on him. "Will you stop please?" Louis asks, but then he and Liam join Niall in the food fight, 

Zayn takes a moment to lean back and appreciate being around his boys and he just can't stop smiling. This is more, more than he had ever hoped for the past weeks, when he didn't even get a call back or anything.

 

_How did you know, down in your bones, that I'd come around?_

 

It is almost 2 am and Niall and Liam are trying to get a movie, leaving Zayn and Louis alone in the hotel room. There is an awkward silence, because after all the two boys have always been best friends, best friends that haven't answered each others calls. 

Louis is the first to speak up. "I...I love you Zayn. Okay? I hope you haven't forgotten, because I know I have been a bad friend. But I love you. It just...it hurt so much." Zayn nods and it breaks his heart to hear these words. "I know." But Louis shakes his head. "No, no Zayn you don't. You don't know how much it hurt, because you weren't there. You weren't there when Harry cried in my arms every night. And you weren't there when Niall tried so hard to make us laugh and to fill up the spaces you left, and to cheer everyone up and becoming quiet when he couldn't. And fuck, Zayn, you weren't there when Liam became quiet and didn't talk to us for days and then he broke down in my arms and I couldn't do anything to make him feel better. You don't know how much it hurt, because you weren't there." Zayn has tears in his eyes as he listens to Louis. "I am sorry, I..." "No Zayn, wait. You weren't there and I hated you for it. I hated you, because it hurt so much. I hated you when I still loved you and that was why I behaved so shitty. And I am sorry. I forgive you. I hope you can forgive me too."

Zayn isn't able to answer he just moves closer and hugs Louis. "I...I love you too."

 

_One step ahead always, guiding me through my haze, was too scared to see, what this could mean, but I see it now._

They watched Batman and Niall fall asleep on the bed during it. "I am just gonna take Niall to his room." Louis smiles at the blonde boy. It is early in the morning and they are all a little tired. "Okay if I leave you two alone?"  

"Of course." Liam says and Zayn nods. "Good night then. It was good to see you Zayn."

And then Zayn and Liam are alone in the room. "So, do you want to sleep?" Liam asks. "I don't know. I am not really tired." "Yeah", Liam agrees. "Me neither." So they just lay on the bed next to each other and stay at the ceiling. They are silent for some time, enjoying each other company. And Zayn can't stop thinking how much he missed this boy and that maybe, maybe if he had known earlier, everything would be different now.  
  
"Liam?"

"Yes?" Zayn breathes in and licks his lips before he speaks again. "I...I am really, really sorry." Liam turns around to face his friend. "Don't be Zayn. You did what you had to do, you took care of your happiness." *

"But...but I am not?" Zayn can't look at Liam. "You're not?" The younger boy checks with him. "I am not happy." Liam gives him a questioned look. "But, everything is going good with your music and..." Zayn cuts him off. "No, no Liam. I am not happy, because I am not with you."

 

_How could I ever be enough? Worthy of someone else's love?_

 

Liam looks at Zayn with his puppy eyes and the older boy is not sure if he can finish his speech, but he has to. "I, I only recognised how much I need you when I left. And I couldn't call at first and when I did, it was too late apparently. And Liam, I am so sorry, I didn't notice earlier and you can't imagine how much it broke my heart to hurt you. And I know, that you will probably never forgive me. But I need you to know that..." He doesn't even know why he is crying, but he can't fight the tears any longer. Liam scoots closer, and takes him in his arms.

"I...I love you Liam." Zayn mumbles into the other boy's chest, still crying. "I am sorry I didn't knew earlier." He feels Liam's lips against his forehead. "I am sorry Liam."

Liam puts a finger om Zayn's lips. "It is okay Zayn. It is okay. I was hurt but you were too and I don't even know why, but it is okay. It is okay, there's nothing to forgive okay. And Zayn?" Liam puts one finger under the older boys chin to lift it up and make Zayn look at him. "I love you too. Always have. I've just been waiting for you to realize it." And then he kisses him softly, his lips pressed against Zayn and he holds on to him tightly. "I am so glad you finally did." Liam whispers against Zayn's lips.

Zayn has never felt that way before. They kissed a couple of times in the past but it had always been short and rushed and shy. This time it is confident and secure and so full of love it could kill Zayn. But before he kisses Liam again he opens his dark brown eyes to look into Liam's caramel ones. "I won't ever leave again, do you believe me?" Liam smiles. "I do." 

"And I will love you forever, do you believe me?"  
"I do." Liam giggles. "And I only want to be with me, do..." Liam kisses him to shut up. "Yes Zayn, I believe you! And know I want to kiss you, I want to feel you, because I haven't in 10 month and that is way too much time, don't you think?"

Zayn closes his eyes. "But how can you forgive me? How can you love me, when I left you?" There are tears in the corner of Zayn's eyes again. Liam breathes in as he pulls Zayn closer.

"Listen Zayn, I knew that I loved you from the very beginning, but at first I didn't let myself believe in it. I thought we were supposed to be friends, love each other as friends. And that was it. It took me some time, but I realized, that we were more, way more than friends. And I knew that you loved me too, that you just needed a little more time. And yes, it hurt. But I knew you would come back, and you did right? That's all that counts. Okay?" Zayn nods. "So will you kiss me now?" Zayn doesn't answer this one, he just does.

 

_All of my hang-ups and all of my fears, y_ _ou made them all disappear._

 

Zayn wakes up in the late afternoon and he feels that the bed beside him is empty. His heart drops and he thinks that maybe it has all been a dream until he hears a familiar voice. Liam is stepping out of the bathroom with nothing but a white towel wrapped around his waist. "Hi love, you're up!"

Zayn breathes in deeply by the sight of Liam. "I thought...I thought you were gone. I thought it was just a dream and..." Liam joins him on the bed and brings him in for a kiss. "That I didn't tell you how much I loved you yesterday night. And that all the stuff after that didn't happen?" Zayn giggles and pulls Liam in a hug. He missed him so much.

"I love you". Zayn kissed Liam. "I love you too."

 

_One step ahead of me, you saw what we could be._  
_How did you know, down in your bones, that I'd come around?_  
  
_One step ahead always, guiding me through my haze._  
_Was too scared to see, what this could mean,_  
_but I see it now, I see it now._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ever since I heard "One step ahead" by A great big world, I've thought about Ziam.  
> I wanted to write more, because I feel a lot about Zayn's birthday and Ot5 right now, but this is not the place.  
> So I am just gonna say:  
> There is too much history for there not to be love.  
> I hope you are all doing fine!
> 
> And again, Happy Birthday Jaan. 
> 
> All the love!


End file.
